Category: Funny

The customer is always right…

Feb 10

TomDimmockFunny 1 Comment

…or are they?

I was pointed in the direction of a blog, which shows funny quotes from customers…take a look!

Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes.

PC vs Mac (vs Linux!)

Feb 02

TomDimmockFunny No Comments

We have all seen those adverts, either at the cinema, or on TV…the PC vs Mac ones starring David Mitchell and Robert Webb from Peep Show!

Well..here are some South Park versions found on Youtube…enjoy!

Take Care…

Woolworths

Jan 06

TomDimmockFunny No Comments

I am posting today, as it was Woolworth’s last day countrywide. Some stores close Saturday with the rest closing today. I am not ashamed to admit it…I think I am going to miss Woolies!

Admittedly, you can buy everything they sell (and more) in Tesco or online due to the fact they didn’t have a unique selling point. And yes…the adverts were one of the most annoying adverts I have seen, but yes, I will miss them!

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Ah, the Irony!
I just decided to visit the Woolworth’s website, and the message is shown below. I found it slightly Ironic

Our site is currently undergoing essential maintenance. We apologise for any inconvenience caused.

Please check back later.

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Bognor Store
I was wandering through Bognor high street on Saturday, and saw the following sign in Woolworth’s. It shows, how pissed off some of the staff really are! (It is not a real sign, but written on the back of a notice!)

Coming Soon!
Eroticarama

Hollands leading Pole, Lap and Exotic Dancing venue.

Wanted Dancers (Full training given)
Phone 01243 782509 (Rob) for application pack

OAP discount day Thursday 20% off when you show your bus pass

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The Future
Where will this recession crisis leave our high street. It is no doubt that other chains will go into administration, and I can see the following companies having trouble in 2009.

Argos
B&Q
Boots
Borders
British Home Stores
Burtons
Clinton Cards
Currys, Dixons, Comet and PC World
Debenhams
DFS
HMV
Homebase
Jessops
JJB Sports
Marks and Spencer
Millets
Sainsburys
The Works
Thorntons
Waterstones
WHSmith

This is based purely on prediction without me looking at sales statistics etc.

Take Care…

Charlie and Harry

Jan 04

TomDimmockFunny No Comments

I keep seeing a video around the Internet, which is becoming one of the most popular videos in the online world!

Take Care…

DeWalt

May 23

TomDimmockEducation, Funny No Comments

Was at a training session last night. We talked about a new piece of kit that the NHS are about begin using. In the training package, this video is shown, and I couldn’t hellp but search the internet for it![coolplayer width="400"Â autoplay="0" loop="0" charset="utf-8" download="1" mediatype=""]
Dewalt Commercial
[/coolplayer]

Had my first AS exam yesterday too….think it went well. I will talk about them all at some point in the near-ish future.

Take Care…

I never knew that

May 12

TomDimmockEducation, Funny No Comments

In the 1400′s a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have “the rule of thumb”

“Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled “Gentlemen Only…Ladies Forbidden”…and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

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“The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

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“Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.

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“Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

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“Coca-Cola was originally green.

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“It is impossible to lick your elbow.

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“The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour:
61,000.

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“Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

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“The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer

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“Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king in history:
Spades – King David
Hearts – Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds – Julius Caesar

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“111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

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“If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

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“Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter “A”?
A. One thousand

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“Q. What do bullet-proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.

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“Q. What is the only food that doesn’t spoil?
A. Honey

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“In Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase……… “goodnight, sleep tight.”

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“It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride’s father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

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“In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts… So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them “Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.” It’s where we get the phrase “mind your P’s and Q’s”

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“Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. “Wet your whistle” is the phrase inspired by this practice.

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“I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

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Take Care…

I owe my mother

May 12

TomDimmockFunny No Comments

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning”

My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet”

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

My mother taught me LOGIC.
“Because I said so, that’s why”

My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me”

My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

My mother taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

My mother taught me about STAMINA.
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”

My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
“Stop acting like your father!”

My mother taught me about ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait until we get home.”

My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
“You are going to get it when you get home!”

My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”

My mother taught me ESP.
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

My mother taught me HUMOR.
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

My mother taught me GENETICS.
“You’re just like your father.”

My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

My mother taught me WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”

My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you”

Take Care…

Medical Terms of the Uneducated and Unsophisticated

Jan 24

TomDimmockFunny No Comments

After a day of snow…I thought it was time to Blog. This was E-Mailed to me, so I thought I may have to post it.

Anti-body – Against everyone.
Artery – The study of fine paintings.
Benign – What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria – Back door to cafeteria.
Barium – What you do when CPR fails.
Caesarean Section – A neighbourhood in Rome.
Cardiac arrest – Taken into custody after stealing a coupe deville.
Cardiology Advance – study of poker playing.
Catscan – Search for Kitty.
Cauterise – Made eye contact with her.
Colic – A sheep dog.
Coma – A punctuation mark.
D&C – Where Washington is.
Dilate – To live long.
Enema – Not a friend.
Fester – Quicker than someone else.
Fibula – A small lie.
G.I.Series – World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail – What you hang your coat on.
Impotent – Distinguished, well known.
Labour Pain – Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff – A Doctor’s cane.
Morbid – A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates – Cheaper than day rates.
Node – I knew it.
Outpatient – A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear - A fatherhood test.
Paralyze – Two far fetched stories.
Pelvis - Second cousin to Elvis.
Pharmacist – A person who makes living in agriculture.
Post Operative - A letter carrier.
Protein – In favor of young people.
Recovery Room – Place to do upholstery.
Rectum – Damn near killed him.
Secretion – Hiding something.
Seizure – Roman emperor.
Tablet - A small table.
Terminal Illness – Getting sick at the airport.
Tumour - More than one.
Urine – Opposite of mine.
Varicose – Near by/close by.
Vein – Conceited.

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Also, just seen this video on Laura’s Blog…its a clip from “Whose Line”, where Colin is an ambulence driver and has to respond to sound effects made by Ryan.